AHEM

LAAAADIES UND GENTLEMEN! PREPARED TO BE AMAZED UND TERRIFIED!

WEIGHING IN AT EXACTLY ONE BRITISH POUND, ZE MECHANICAL MEISTERSTÜCK OF MAYHEM... ZE DRUM-SPINNING DEMON OF DEUTSCHLAND... ZE KLEINSTE BUT MIGHTIEST KAMPFMASCHINE IN ZE ARENA...

SCHLAAAAAAAGZEUUUUUG!

JA, BEHOLD AS ZIS TINY TERROR BRINGS ZE THUNDER MIT ITS VERTICAL SPINNING DRUM OF DOOM! LIKE ZE GREATEST DRUMMERS OF DEUTSCH METAL, IT VILL POUND ITS OPPONENTS INTO SCHROTT!

ZIS PRECISION-ENGINEERED NIGHTMARE MAY BE 3D PRINTED, BUT ZERE IS NUSSING PLASTIC ABOUT ITS FIGHTING SPIRIT! VATCHING ZIS MACHINE FIGHT IS LIKE LISTENING TO ZE FINEST SYMPHONY OF DESTRUCTION!

OPPONENTS BEWARE - VEN YOU HEAR ZE SOUND OF ZE SCHLAGZEUG, IT VILL BE ZE LAST SING YOU EVER HEAR! MUAHAHAHA!

dramatic pause

...LET ZE BATTLE BEGIN!